10 Truths About Being A Stepmom

Let’s face it, being a stepmom is extremely challenging and is definitely for the fainthearted. One has to be both mentally and emotionally tough to handle what this instant family life brings with it. Generally, raising kids is tasking as they need your unending love and attention 24/7. This gets even more challenging when you’re a step parent; nothing you do or don’t do seems to help matters.

You will learn a lot from our stepmom advice which will help you build strong connections with your step kids. You will get to appreciate the fact that step parenting is really not as horrible as people make it seem. At the end of this article, we’ll have a look at what makes step parenting worth it.

The Facts…

The wicked stepmother stereotypes only make things hard for stepmoms who are genuinely trying to build a bond with their stepchildren. Before you dive in head and heart first, here are some hard truths about being a stepmom that you should know:

Your marital relationship is the most important relationship in that household

As a stepmom, protecting your marriage should be your top priority. It’s not easy being each other’s solace especially when you are having problems with the kids. However, you need to try as much as possible so that there is no disconnect in the marriage. Don’t get too busy trying to build a relationship with your stepkids and neglect that with your husband.

Do not let any issues between you and the children pull you apart from your spouse. Figure out exactly what the problems are and find immediate solutions that will protect your marriage.

The kids need to see how much of a fighter you are. Teach them that leaving is not an option when things get tough. In the future, they will do the same and not quit on things because they are tough.

Make the most of your time together with your spouse when the kids are not around.

You are not the kid’s mother

In as much as this may hurt, it still remains true. No matter how many times the kids call you mom, you will never have the same rights and privileges and their biological mom. It really doesn’t matter if they barely see her or if your husband has primary custody.

Understand that the furthest you can go is having a loving, meaningful, and influential relationship with your step kids. Embrace that relationship and make the most out of it because no matter how many sleepless nights you spend worrying about it, you still won’t be their mom.

You will always come in second place for motherhood

Even when you’re clearly better at something than their biological mom, you will always be number 2.

This may be a hard pill to swallow especially if you work so hard and sacrifice a lot for your step kids. When you realize that the prize you’re working so hard for is already taken, you will readjust and do things your way.

Avoid the competition and do the best you can for the kids.

The kids will most probably not appreciate all the sacrifices you make

Don’t always expect to get credit for everything that you do for your step kids. This should, however, not stop you from providing a loving and stable environment for them. Eventually, the kids will grow up, have children of their own and realize how much you did for them. Then they will be filled with gratitude.

It must feel horrible when you love so hard and barely get any recognition on special occasions like Mother’s Day. It gets tough when you feel unappreciated and emotionally drained for all your efforts. This is something that you have to be okay with.

At some point, you will need a therapist/counselor

You will need to find a counselor to help you get through any issues that arise between you and your step kids or your husband. You might not think that you need one and this is completely wrong.

The sooner you start making those visits to the therapist the better it will be for your family. You may feel like you are a horrible stepmom but a single visit to the therapist will make you realize that it’s normal to have issues.

You can’t fix everything (especially what you didn’t break)

Most stepmoms try really hard to do a whole lot of fixing. What they don’t realize is that they are just wasting their energy trying to fix stuff that they did not break.

As a stepmom, you need to realize that the divorce between your husband and his ex-wife had nothing to do with you. So as wonderful as you are, you can’t fix that.

You really cannot solve everyone’s problems

It’s not right to complain about your step kids

Every now and then you will hear a mom talk about how her biological kids are a living nightmare and how they cause her hell. It’s totally legit and understandable to complain.

Complaining about the kids and family, in general, is natural. However, this changes when you are the stepmom. People tend to judge you and label you a wicked stepmom when you complain about your step kids.

If you really have to let some steam off, complain to your husband.

Also, do not compare your step kids to other children.

You can’t just quit

It’s normal to feel like you want to quit. The stress and pressure might make you feel weak, which is human. The best thing to do in this situation is to talk to your spouse and plan the way forward.

The only way to quit being a stepmom is through a divorce, so quitting isn’t an option. Stick around and once you make it to the finish line it’ll be worth every moment.

Is it worth it?

Being a stepmom is filled with some awesome moments that you will not hear every day. Here are two things that make step parenting worth it: