Being away from home studying at university is a lot of fun, especially in your first year when your freedom is still very much a novelty. However, there are a few things that can taint the experience, one of them being clashing with your housemate.
It isn’t surprising really. If you think about it, you’re putting strangers from all walks of life, with all different personalities into a house. Those people are also under loads of pressure from university, one of the is likely to be messy, one is likely to be loud, and one you probably never, ever see. It’s a recipe for disaster that can often lead to passive aggressive notes being left around, awkwardness and a pretty horrible environment.
You’re already here, being independent and studying at uni, you can totally handle a slight personality clash at home. Right? Well, actually, for many people it can often feel like the world has simply ended. The dream has come to an abrupt end and nothing could be worse right now.
First things first – it’s OK to feel sad, panicked or worried about friction in your new student home. You have to live, eat, clean and study here, its natural not to want to have to deal with any bad feelings at home.
If you are having issues with someone you live with and you don’t like confrontation, consider adjusting any behaviours you are aware are the cause of the friction. IE if a housemate is annoyed with you for always leaving pots out or never cleaning the toilet, make an effort to adjust your habits and see if the issue resolves itself. It is also worth exercising some patience if you’re the angry housemate dealing with someone who isn’t cleaning up after themselves – they might just be really busy or generally lazy, so give them a heads up before you jump the gun getting yourself in a state.
These minor things can cause big upset in a confined environment, so sometimes it’s just minor changes that are necessary to resolve the problem.
Alternatively, the next best thing to do is speak to the person about it face to face. Don’t skip a step and go straight to student services, to the landlord or whoever manages the property – this would be unfair on the person involved. You should also take care not to leave any angry notes out yourself or to exacerbate the problem in any way, this will only make things worse. Doing this will lead to communications breaking down even more, lead to even more irritating behaviour or even worse behaviour from both sides. If someone you live with is doing something you aren’t happy with, like leaving dirty mugs everywhere, making noise late at night, or drinking all the milk – sit down and speak to them about it calmly and intelligently. Try to see their side of the story and look to reach a resolution – don’t go in assuming the worst. Most people will respond well to this approach.
If Things Get Worse
If things are at a stage where you can’t fix the problem, and the housemate really is someone you dislike a great deal, the first thing you need to do is accept you cannot be friends with everyone. Maybe you need to keep out of their way a little bit, maybe you need to let it go and move on – but maybe you can ignore them and be happy in your accommodation without needing to clash with them.
If it does get unbearable for any reason and you do think it is disrupting your studies and making you sad, it might be time to look for alternative student accommodation – Exeter University has lots of it.
Speak to your housing officer, to friends who might have a room going, have a look at student accommodation options nearby, and eventually speak to your landlord to discuss moving forward. Student support can help you figure out the best way to do this with as little disruption as possible.
Don’t Worry!
Last but not least, don’t worry, this will get better whether you stay in the house you are in or move to another one. Get support where you can, get advice where you can and stay positive.